Searching for Truth

Nightmares

2005-09-29T03:11:02Z

I had this dream... I was in the ocean with one of those fish that can change genders depending on water temperature, and maybe it's name was Dory, or something. And there was this very small fish, and maybe his name was Marlin, and the fish started arguing. And Marlin said that I was his Coral and threatened Dory and then I woke up in a cold sweat and Dillie was licking my face and I felt all sleepy again. New Dartha is not what... zzzzz....

My Dillie

2005-09-14T08:25:16Z

Dillie has become a great companion here at the castle and I am starting to train him. He almost always does his business on the newspapers (sports section, of course) I leave out and no longer gnaws on Ninja Person's leg... It's more of an affectionate nibble, actually.

Lord Darthac seems especially fond of Dillie as he is always happy to join me when I take Dillie out for a walk. The castle grounds are beautiful right now and I can't imagine being anywhere else. Really, I have no worries. Ok, I am little concerned about the knee-high holes in some of the doors around here. It might be termites. Termites and... I can't shake the feeling that I'm forgetting... shooo... sleepy... Don't drool on the computer, lil Dill.... Time for Mommy and her Dillie to sleep.

zzzzz... not Chippie...zzzzzzz... Dillie.......snore....stupid name..... Chippie....

Corrupt Foundation

2005-08-30T06:24:08Z

Brock Stringham here reporting once again from Lord Darthac’s beautiful castle. I’m including a short article regarding the Foundation’s obvious plot to rule the world. I wish I could write more, but this place makes me feel so relaxed that it just doesn’t seem right to work. I haven’t felt this good in years; I don’t know why more people don’t live here in Dartha, especially considering their charming and charismatic regent. Of course, Dillie, my little chimpy doesn’t help me work, climbing all over me whenever I sit down to type – isn’t that true Dillie? But mama doesn’t mind, no she doesn’t! The only real annoyance is Ninja Person’s bottle counting and screams of agony. Hm. My head really hurt there for a second… Sooo sleepy. I think I’ll take a nap.

Ninja Person Awaiting Trial?

DARTHA – Lord Darthac, regent, supreme chancellor, and head honcho of the sovereign principality of Dartha announced today that he intends to try Foundation “hero” Ninja Person for theft and sabotage. Darthac has agreed to drop all charges, if his family heirloom is returned.

The Foundation has yet to make any official announcement concerning Ninja Person or the now infamous Red Rock. Their silence has led many critics to believe that not only is the Foundation guilty of impinging on the rights of another nation, but, more importantly, that they are hoping to use the Red Rock to create a weapon and take over White Stone.

For years Lord Darthac has warned the world about the corrupt nature of the Foundation and their plans to rule the world. Lord Darthac’s warnings, however, were never heeded, until now. The continued presence of Ninja Person in Darthac’s castle points to the Foundation’s willingness to sacrifice one of their own in the name of imperialism.

Lord Darthac has made every effort to make peace with the Foundation, but their silence has only increased the tension between the two sides. If violence does break out, we’ll know who to blame.

Report

2005-05-26T02:46:36Z

Brock Stringham here reporting from Lord Darthac’s castle. I’d assign a dateline to this, but my stay in Dartha seems to have affected my sense of time and I have no idea what month this is, let alone the exact day. I have managed to gain access to a computer in the castle; however, I am only able to log on to Livejournal. I would like to take this opportunity to post an article I have written about Lord Darthac and the recent Chimpandillo attack in White Stone. Hopefully, someone at White Stone Illuminations is paying attention and will publish it. I would like to add that I had been warned that Lord Darthac was short-tempered and small-minded, but I believe this article will show that he is just a simple man whose big dreams for his country have been trampled on by the Foundation and its “heroes”. He also makes me feel very sleepy...

DARTHA – After the recent chaos in White Stone caused by the Chimpandillo attack, many people have tried to assign blame to the Regent of the sovereign principality of Dartha, Lord Darthac. Darthac, who often turns down requests for interviews due, to what he says, is the tendency in the media to "belittle his authority" and "minimize his good deeds", asked to be interviewed to set the record straight regarding the recent attack.

Although Darthac was responsible for the despatch of the Chimpandillos, he believes that he was completely within his rights to do so due to recent activities by the Foundation.

Dartha has been under investigation by the UN for the possible manufacture of Weapons of Doomsday-like Destruction (WDLD). Several inspectors have been sent to the tiny principality, but were not always allowed the kind of access needed to assess the situation properly. Some inspectors have also disappeared under mysterious circumstances.

When asked about the inspectors Darthac bristled "The inspectors were allowed to roam my country freely. Reports of any mistreatment have been fabricated by the Foundation to give credibility to their espionage and thievery."

According to Darthac, after the return of the last set of inspectors, who found nothing of any consequence in Dartha, the Foundation sent spies to Lord Darthac’s castle and stole a Red Rock, which is an ancient family heirloom.

Ninja Person, a Foundation employee and current detainee at Darthac’s castle, has, after some coaxing, confirmed that a stealth squad was sent to the castle and that Ninja Person took a mysterious Red Rock from the castle. Darthac is now refusing to allow Ninja Person to return to White Stone until the Red Rock is returned to him.

"I am righteously indignant," Darthac said in the interview. "The Foundation has no right to stomp on the rights and privileges of sovereign nations based on unfounded rumours and speculation. Ninja Person and the Foundation illegally broke into my castle and robbed me of something very important and I demand that they be held responsible for this!"

"Perhaps the Chimpandillos were not the right way to go, but what else is a small country like mine to do when faced with this kind of bullying?"

Darthac continued: "The Foundation is not happy with me because I will not allow their heroes to fly around my country 'saving' people. I believe that that is the job of my police force and army. Besides, our crime rates are so low that we don’t need the Foundation."

Darthac also expressed his dissatisfaction with his portrayal in the media. "Do they write about our low crime rate? Free health care? The 98% literacy rate? No! Instead they buy into the Foundation reports about my desire for World Domination."

"I’m just a simple man whose big dreams for his country have been trampled on by the Foundation and its 'heroes'. I feel my role is to stand up for the little guy, to stop the Foundation from violating the sovereignty of other nations."

Help Brock!

2004-12-29T04:04:30Z

White Stone Illuminations received a phone call from Brock Stringham a few hours ago. This was the content of the call:

Is that you? Shut up and listen. I couldn't reach the Foundation. So much for the "scream and rescue." No, they're not on my speed dial. Look, I've been captured by some strange armored hairy monster thing-y with very sharp teeth. Chimpan-what? It was on the newswire before I left? (garbled noises) S---... they're coming back... I think I'm near.... RRRAARRR... Hey, watch the hat ya big ---- ow hey!!!!! Dial tone.

We have reason to believe that Ms. Stringham's life is in danger. If anyone has any information regarding Ms. Stringham's whereabouts, please contact the Foundation immediately.

$%^&&#' rain!

2004-12-22T22:41:11Z

I should have known it was going to be a bad day when my clock radio woke me up with "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth." If that song doesn't evoke the true meaning of Christmas, I don't know what does. Things improved when the weather man said that we were going to get some snow tonight. Feeling mildly content I picked up my new CD, A Swaziland Solstice, and headed out to my car.

I got into my car and turned the key - nothing. I tried again... flooded the engine. Looks like Galileo has to go to the doctor. Again. I tried to catch the bus, only to discover that I was 5 cents short. Think any of those Holiday passengers were willing to spring for the rest of my fare? I walked to work.

As soon as I got in I was hauled into my editor's office and got an earful about my Diva article. Is it my fault the Almighty, pie smelling "heroine" hasn't responded to my e-mails? I tried calling and discovered that because her publicist is away, Ms. Diva can't respond to e-mails. Why, you may ask? Because using a computer puts her fingernails at risk. Diva can't use the telephone either... "it strains her voice." Grrr... So I tried to submit my article on dermatomyositis and its relation to Heroman's skin colour and got a tongue lashing for my "outlandish" ideas and my "inability to work within the confines of my assignments."

I walked out of the office trying to cheer myself with "snow" thoughts only to catch that SOB Dan Shipman, the obnoxious sports reporter (sports reporter? Come on people, that can't be a real job!), making some snarky comment about how I stole my fedora from Vince Lombardi's grave. Look, if this hat was good enough for Hepburn in Woman of the Year, then it's damn well good enough for me!

Just think of the snow, I told myself. Then I got to my desk. That stupid black fish... that stupid black fish I got as a gag gift from my editor... that stupid, f---in' fish that does absolutely nothing, but has to be fed with expensive, foul smelling fish food... that bloody, stupid, ugly, smelly, s--- producing fish was belly f---ing up!! DAMN!!

I disposed of Schwarz (the fish, not a Spaceballs joke) and tried to grab a cigarette in the bathroom. I got caught and received an earful from some bimbo secretary (excuse me, "office assistant") about the horrors of smoking. Really? Smoking can kill me? I didn't know! I'll stop right after this one. Oops, did I blow my smoke in your face? Sorry!

I attempted get some work done, with hopeful thoughts about the snow that would blanket White Stone tonight.

I left work a bit early so I could get Galileo towed and guess what was falling from the sky?

RAIN. Merry f---ing Christmas. Someone get me a cigarette and a gin, and hold the tonic.

The Truth must be told!

2004-09-28T00:36:13Z

My editor has refused to publish my editorial regarding the events at Ping Towers last weekend. It is my duty as a reporter to reveal to the public the true motivations of The Foundation. Heroman has refused to comment and that to me speaks volumes. Why would the "hero" refuse to speak? He must be hiding something. My editor says that there is not enough evidence to support my theories, but he just doesn't want to be on the wrong side of the Foundation and potentially miss big scoops. I mean, without The Foundation, how would we sell newspapers?

I believe it is possible that the events last weekend were staged by The Foundation, possibly to set the stage for a WWE style coup. The Night Knight is being payed off to act as a foil to Heroman and boost sales for Foundation merchandise. They are possibly creating a story arc to add to Heroman's prestige. Eventually The Night Knight will be defeated, but only after a series of defeats. My source, who refused to be named, confirmed this after I took him out to Chez Tres Chere and, after a few drinks, asked him: "Were last weekend's events at Ping Towers staged?" He responded "Mmmmm..."

Heroman's refusal to comment on the events shows that he is not keen on this 'story arc.' It is likely that this conspiracy goes right to the top...

I shall endeavor to uncover the whole truth surrounding the events of last weekend and welcome any comments or leads.