Current mood:

pissed off

$%^&&#' rain!
I should have known it was going to be a bad day when my clock radio woke me up with "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth." If that song doesn't evoke the true meaning of Christmas, I don't know what does. Things improved when the weather man said that we were going to get some snow tonight. Feeling mildly content I picked up my new CD, A Swaziland Solstice, and headed out to my car.

I got into my car and turned the key - nothing. I tried again... flooded the engine. Looks like Galileo has to go to the doctor. Again. I tried to catch the bus, only to discover that I was 5 cents short. Think any of those Holiday passengers were willing to spring for the rest of my fare? I walked to work.

As soon as I got in I was hauled into my editor's office and got an earful about my Diva article. Is it my fault the Almighty, pie smelling "heroine" hasn't responded to my e-mails? I tried calling and discovered that because her publicist is away, Ms. Diva can't respond to e-mails. Why, you may ask? Because using a computer puts her fingernails at risk. Diva can't use the telephone either... "it strains her voice." Grrr... So I tried to submit my article on dermatomyositis and its relation to Heroman's skin colour and got a tongue lashing for my "outlandish" ideas and my "inability to work within the confines of my assignments."

I walked out of the office trying to cheer myself with "snow" thoughts only to catch that SOB Dan Shipman, the obnoxious sports reporter (sports reporter? Come on people, that can't be a real job!), making some snarky comment about how I stole my fedora from Vince Lombardi's grave. Look, if this hat was good enough for Hepburn in Woman of the Year, then it's damn well good enough for me!

Just think of the snow, I told myself. Then I got to my desk. That stupid black fish... that stupid black fish I got as a gag gift from my editor... that stupid, f---in' fish that does absolutely nothing, but has to be fed with expensive, foul smelling fish food... that bloody, stupid, ugly, smelly, s--- producing fish was belly f---ing up!! DAMN!!

I disposed of Schwarz (the fish, not a Spaceballs joke) and tried to grab a cigarette in the bathroom. I got caught and received an earful from some bimbo secretary (excuse me, "office assistant") about the horrors of smoking. Really? Smoking can kill me? I didn't know! I'll stop right after this one. Oops, did I blow my smoke in your face? Sorry!

I attempted get some work done, with hopeful thoughts about the snow that would blanket White Stone tonight.

I left work a bit early so I could get Galileo towed and guess what was falling from the sky?

RAIN. Merry f---ing Christmas. Someone get me a cigarette and a gin, and hold the tonic.